I remember when I was working on House of Whack I could just sit there and create graphics for ten hours at a time. And I didn’t feel it. Time just blew past. Lately I’ve been noticing that it is hard to stay focused on any one thing, be it a job at work, a personal project, video games, TV shows, whatever. Part of it is an energy thing. I’m tired and unmotivated much of the time. After sitting at a computer for eight hours at work, it is a tough sell to tell myself “Okay, now it is time to be creative! Let’s sit in front of the computer some more!”
Another part of it is I feel like I’ve got to get it all done, see it all, play it all, before…what? Before I die? Before I’m in a relationship? I don’t know. So, unconsciously, I was becoming very results oriented, wanting to get to the end as quickly as possible. I really need to relax and enjoy the process of whatever I’m doing.
I’ve been learning some new software so I can create illustrations of the characters for the Dune game. Learning digital tools is like learning new spells. I want to be able to summon the floating palace right away, but first I need to learn how to push little stone blocks around. My mind cracks open with the possibilities and then is daunted by all there is to learn. There’s already so much information in my head.
Ugh, even finishing this post is getting to be a struggle. Sleepy sleepy…
This is why I mulishly stuck with my hardware digital audio workstation for so long — I didn’t want to come home from a day at the computer to sit in front of the computer for my hobby.
Maybe I can trick myself with a change of environment. Writing on my iPad somewhere outside of the office feels like a different activity. Maybe if I took the laptop to a coffee house or something.
You guys have given me an excellent excuse for not writing my Memoir: I hate to revisit the life that only my mother would have been interested in.